...restraining her is like restraining the wind
or grasping oil with the hand.
The mental picture here is descriptive enough. Grasping oil with the hand, or restraining the wind are both impossible things.
So, if you have a quarrelsome spouse, the goal is not to restrain. You can't do that anyway. The goal that you must have is to please God in your own life, regardless of what your spouse is doing. Love God first with your own life and efforts. Love those around you next, as a way to love God. You will not change the heart of your spouse, that is God's job anyway. But you can minister to the heart of your spouse, and that is what you should do.
I think that this mentality when dealing with difficult or quarrelsome people doesn't just apply to a marriage. It can also apply to many other relationships. Don't seek to restrain those people in your life.